Today I Eased my own Worries

I saw the boy I wanted to be my tenant today, and he loves the room and not only wants to live in it for one month during summer, but he also wants to store a few of his belongings there after school and is willing to pay me for that month as well, without living there!

We agreed if I got him a bed as well, he would be willing to pay 800 for the month he is living there, which takes off so much from that single month of rent. I’m so relieved.


I hate how stressed out money makes me, and it makes me too anxious to think about jobs or the future or being financially responsible for myself. Grades and academics is so straightforward… I can’t imagine doing anything else…

This summer I am going to probably work for my cousin and her fiance during weddings as things, and babysit so I can make a little extra spending cash for the school year. Also my birthday is coming up, so I don’t really need to worry about money for myself for quite awhile… and when I do, I really don’t think I need a lot, other than food. 

Until then, I will try and prepare myself for living in the future. Learn to be alone, so I’m never lonely, kind of thing.


This Week I move into a New Place

I still am stuck on my lease at my current place for another month, which sucks, but I can’t help. My parent’s have told me over and over not to worry, and to stay focused on my final projects. I’m so incredibly lucky that I don’t need to worry about things, that I’m going to try extra hard to finish my assignments and not let them down!

Nen and I went to the apartment this morning, after yummy breakfast with Tim and we started reminiscing about our imagined futures. I feel like a little kid, playing ‘house’, in a plastic replica or something. It’s exciting and surreal. It’s not that the apartment is incredibly cool (although, it’s moderately cool!), I’m used to it since it’s the same model I’ve been subleasing from landlords in the same neighborhood. It’s just has a different feel to it, because I know the people I’m going to be living with, the ‘hello’s and ‘see you later’s will seem sincere.

I won’t have to wait until midnight, when they’re asleep, to quietly do dishes by myself.

I’ve been a bit of a recluse lately, since I’ve come to college. I’ve lived in my own room my whole life, and I know I’m not the friendliest of people. I don’t want the girls I’m living with to regret me, so I’m going to try hard to not be so stubborn…

Also, yesterday I gave blood for the first time. I lied about my weight so they would let me in, which probably ended up being bad because I got really light headed almost passed out. It was a familiar sensation, but to a whole ‘nother degree of scariness. I think it was good to experience that, to help people and feel a false sense of productivity & charity, as well as to learn to limits to my body.


Today I went on a Road Trip


My father, his mother, and his sister all drove up from their So-Cal origins to pick me up for my spring break back home. Although taking a flight is a lot easier and faster, I always try and find an excuse to drive down and back up for holidays during the school year. 

I ended up only really packing one pair of pants, a skirt, and a couple tops and the rest was photography or painting supplies. They had driven up in a small hybrid car to save gas, so I felt like I had to take up as little room as possible, so I just skimped on clothes. I have a lot of clothes down at my parent’s house, but they’re all sort of dorky high school event tees that I was too embarrassed to bring to uni.

On the way home, we visited my grandma’s boyfriend of 30-something years in the hospital, because he has been having a few mental hallucinations. My dad says it’s Sundown Syndrome and we don’t really know much else, but he seemed really fine to me, although a little paranoid. He kept thinking the other residents were trying to steal his things, and when I hugged him to leave he asked me if I saw the explosion in the sky outside his window. I looked and was really confused, and my grandma yelled at him in her usual way that he was seeing things, and I left with a sad feeling in my stomach. It doesn’t bother me so much that he sees things, but that they are so violent and frightening. He is a veteran and used to be a security guard in the hospital where he met my grandmother, so he has already seen his share of violence and I just…

I don’t know what to do in these situations, where I can’t help and I am just taking up space in a hospital room.

The rest of the drive home was uneventful, and I am now home, sharing the couch with my mother because we missed each other so much to sleep just yet. 


Also, sorry about the image quality in this one. I only brought my netbook down for this break, so posts will probably look more like this, or just be words.

Last night I slept on a feather pillow…

Last night I slept on a feather pillow…which I’m  pretty allergic to, and didn’t realize til the morning.
I always forget to check my hotel pillows so this happens alot more than it should. So right now I’m drunk off the anti-histamine my grandma gave me and being an awful host to my visiting family.

I’m ready for spring break.